I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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