The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
