slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
