sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
