I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
