'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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