Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
