Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
