people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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