I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
