i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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