two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.