i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.