Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen