Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
