it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
