there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
