I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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