Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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