you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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