Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
