God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
