he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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