I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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