I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize