ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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