the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
