I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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