I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
