i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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