he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
