don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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