there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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