Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Come see our sink grown plant.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
