I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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