so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize