I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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