i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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