Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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