I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
