Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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