I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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