My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
