I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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