literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
