it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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