Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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