a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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