I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
