ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
