Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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