I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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