I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
