The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
