This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
