I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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