just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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