I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.