You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.