I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg