and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
