how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid