I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.