I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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