While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
