awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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