Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
