I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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